Oh Oscar, Oscar Oscar!

The Oscars are fast approaching, and I find it extremely ironic that the first ever chance I have to watch them "Live" has to content with the fact that I'm just 8 days away from a potentially life-changing examination. Oh bugger. And did I mention that this year's the first time that Channel 5 isn't screening it 'Live' as well?!? When I get the opportunity to watch it "Live", Channel 5 chooses to screw with me and decides not to screen it! What's up with that! Is this a sign that Karma's just not on my side?!?!

Anyway, there's no secret that I am totally rooting for 'The Social Network' to win Best Picture and Best Director at this year's Oscars. But I wanted to watch 'The King's Speech' as well because I wanted to size up the competition, and also to find out if it was really better than 'The Social Network', considering that it beat 'The Social Network' in so many other major award ceremonies. So I decided to go watch it.

The truth is, I liked it. 'The King's Speech' is an uplifting movie, the kind of movie that Oscar voters definitely love. It reminded me of 'The Queen' that was released a couple of years ago, a film that was incidentally, about the current Queen, Queen Elizabeth II, who just happens to be the daughter of the King featured in 'The King's Speech'. Nonetheless, 'The Queen' also found Oscar gold. 'The King's Speech' has an inspiring and relatively simple plot - the real life story of His Majesty, King George VI's attempt to overcome his outward stammer and inward fears, to find the courage to step out of his father's and brother's shadow and to find the conviction to be a great King and lead his weary nation in her desperate time of need. It is an awe-inspiring and truly humbling tale that sheds new light on the amount of courage, dignity and strength that the British Royal Family must possess to rule. Its hard not to find new found respect for the Windsors, even if their recent and modern antics would provide their detractors with tons of ammunition against them.

'The King's Speech' works because of the superb acting craftsmanship of its principal cast. Colin Firth is amazing as His Majesty, King George VI. While he looks nothing like the late King at all, his subtle take on portraying the King's complex feelings is just pure genius. Its not the realistic stutter that crowns his glorious performance, but the subtle hints into the King's hidden feelings of fear, pain, anger and frustration that he allows to surface throughout the film, that truly renders him the favourite to win the Best Actor trophy in the upcoming Oscars. Geoffrey Rush's performance as the Australian speech therapist Lionel Logue is also brilliant, his confident,eccentric, patient and calm Logue, a perfect foil to the frustrated and conflicted King. Helena Bonham Carter's Queen Elizabeth, wife to the King (and mother of the current Queen Elizabeth II) was surprisingly warm and motherly, which is a welcome change from the usually over the top characters that she likes to play. Nonetheless, she manages to inject a little tinge of cheekiness into her portrayal of the Queen, which is in keeping with the fact that the late Queen was indeed well known for her sharp wit and quotable quotes.

Without this strong cast, the film wouldn't have done so superbly. As a film, it is well made, touching and inspiring, a perfect feel good movie that just spells Oscar gold, though the only gripe I have with it is that it does feel, at times, rather too lengthy and draggy for its own good. Still, it has swept many of the major awards during the pre-Oscar award season, turning it into THE front runner at this year's Oscars, with 'The Social Network', the initial favourite now becoming the Underdog film trying to score an upset. In many ways, this year's battle has evolved into a battle of the Traditionalist versus the Progressive: The traditional, inspiring, grand and stately film that is 'The King's Speech' versus the sleek, intelligent, youthful and slightly radical film, 'The Social Network'.

I'm inclined to support 'The Social Network' in this two way battle. I feel that while 'The King's Speech' was a genuinely good movie, 'The Social Network' was simply downright spectacular. I've never felt so invigorated by a movie in a very long time. It was well crafted, well acted and so brilliantly edited into this incredibly smart, sexy and intense film - such a ground breaking film that made film making feel exciting again. I feel that 'The King's Speech' winning would be a very safe victory. And while it was a great film, it just didn't have that added oomph that 'The Social Network' had. No question about it. It didn't have that extra spark that 'The Social Network' had, and that undoubtedly made me love the former even more.

I feel that David Fincher, the Director of 'The Social Network' should win Best Director as well. I feel that it was more technically challenging to make a fast-paced, frenetic film like 'The Social Network' than 'The King's Speech'. To be able to interpret an awesome, brainy, technically-invasive script like that of 'The Social Network' and to envision the kind of film that it eventually turned out to be is just evidence of the man's incredible talent. David Fincher deserves the Best Director trophy, much more that Tom Hooper, director of 'The King's Speech'.

In terms of who I want as Best Actor, I'm so horribly torn. A big part of me knows that Colin Firth will win it (and understandably so because after watching his performance, he truly deserves it.) But I'm such a huge fan of 'The Social Network' star Jesse Eisenberg, that a HUGE part of me wants him to score an upset as well, even if the odds to that are exceedingly low. But oh Jesse! You are so freaking talented I hate to see you lose! Argh. Then again, you'll probably hate winning and having to go up on stage to make an awkward speech, and with your prodigious talents, you'll probably be nominated again for some other role real soon. So even if you don't win it this year, you'll get it soon! And I'll still be obsessed over you! You and your freaking talent and awkwardness! Sigh.

In terms of Best Screenplay - Aaron Sorkin is going to win hands down for 'The Social Network'. He has swept every single screenplay award and the Oscar is just waiting to be handed to him. His script was AWESOME. JUST FREAKING AWESOME. Such brilliant lines, such intriguing and witty conversations. Double sigh.

Best actress - Natalie Portman for Black Swan. I'm just wondering if she'll go into premature labour while on stage accepting the award. It'll be so cool if that happens!

Hmmmm.... I don't really care for the other awards. Let's just see who wins them on the 27th! Can't wait! Oh Oscar, Oscar Oscar!

An Ode to AMMM-BEEE-BEEE-ASSS

An Ode to AMMM-BEEE-BEEE-ASSS
My neurons are firing,
My senses are tingling,
But I can't seem to find my way.

Through the haystacks of knowledge,
The nonsense learnt in college,
Will someone help chase them away?

I wish I had a button,
That I could press and turn into a Titan,
That would certainly make my day!

For the Gods have their whims,
When it comes to examining limbs,
Leaving us, mere mortals sweating in dismay...

Still I'll punch Gustilo and Reiter
I'll crunch Trousseau and Klinefelter
And return like a King in May!

But the truth's that I really have no clue,
With regards to breaking the rules,
And til then, I can only pray.
___________________________________________________

Just a little something that I thought of while taking a 20 min train ride to KKH on Wednesday. Many thanks to Theresa for adding in a stanza and being a pseudo-editor, and the rest of CG 22 who thought it was amusing - thank you for entertaining my moment of madness/boredom. =)

So today's the last day where we are allowed to be in the wards. Come tomorrow, we will be barred from the wards of all public hospitals for two weeks, as they scramble to set things in motion for the start of the 20 day long AMMM-BEEE-BEEE-ASSS. A part of me is glad that the days of splitting ward commitments and mugging is over; now its really time to just lock myself up and eat/drink/breathe my notes. Still, it is with a heavy heart that I bid thee farewell! I will especially miss my M5 cg-mates! Despite it being dark and tough times, I had fun working and playing with everyone of you and I can't wait for the day where we can finally let loose and be glad that everything is over! Til then, all the best and take care in the remaining two weeks! Let's rock this! Woooo-hooo!

"You're not an asshole, Mark. You're just trying so hard to be. "

I know I'm a hundred years too late writing a review of 'The Social Network', especially since the movie was released in October last year, but I've got to admit that I'd only just watched it. (I was feeling manic today after my Psychiatric medicine EOPT and promptly went on a shopping spree: I don't know what got into me, but I spent a total of $310 dollars on books, DVDs and clothes in just 2 hours. I have no idea how I'm going to explain that much purchases to my mum.)

Anyway, one of the DVDs I bought just happened to be 'The Social Network'. I just finished watching the film (instead of dutifully sitting down and continue the mugging for my impending, DARE-I-SAY-IT, EMMM-BEEEE-BEEEEE-ASSSSSS examinations) and I just got this sudden urge/impulse/inspiration to blog about it. Yes, I absolutely freaking loved the film (because its such a typical film that nerds like me would like). Its such a brilliant film, well made, well scripted, well acted out. Perhaps the only weak point was the fact that Justin Timberlake was in it and I sincerely hope that he'll just stay with his day job of singing. Barring that, it was perfect. Jesse Eisenberg was GENIUS, just pure talent and genius oozing out of his every pore. Andrew Garfield was so genuine and sympathetic as the best friend who got betrayed big time that I REALLY wanted to punch everyone for him.

No one will ever know if the events of 'The Social Network' were real. Chances are the gist of it was true, but the details were overly dramatized for the sake of adding lots of extra oomph to it. The film portrays Facebook Founder Mark Zuckerberg as a socially awkward, stunningly brilliant, somewhat conniving, manipulative ass-hole. I highly doubt that the real Zuckerberg is that flawed an individual. Nonetheless, despite all the flaws that Movie-Zuckerberg had, the last scene betrays the fact that this was a guy who was utterly lonely in this world. He created a phenomenon that was meant to make it easier for everyone (and anyone) to connect with each other, but the greatest irony was that he had absolutely no one to connect to. I found it so heart breaking when he starts to realized it after betraying his one and only best/true friend. But its the last scene of the movie, when he truly realizes that all he wants desperately is to be accepted and to be forgiven by the girl who started this whole chain events, that particularly shines. Its so poignant, absurd even, but strangely, so touchingly moving.

For all its technical brilliance and intelligence, "The Social Network" is a movie that's especially good because it has a heart to it and its so relevant to. It takes something that's so ubiquitous in our life right now and uses it to juxtapose the opposing ideas of alienation and connectivity. Its a social commentary on the state of communication today, how the advent of social media has effectively given people a means of shielding themselves from the true need to communicate with one another, and in certain ways, caused a destruction in the ways of communication. We like to see ourselves as being more connected when we use such devices like Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, Friendster but all we are doing is simply typing to an inert machine that says things only because we are directing it to. Where's the sense in that? And isn't it ironic that the greatest revolution in connecting people was created by an individual who had so much problems relating and communicating and just connecting with the majority of the people around him?

That said, I think the reason why I was so particularly affected by this film is probably due to the fact that I see aspects of myself in Movie-Zuckerberg. First of all, I would like to clarify that I'm nowhere as intelligent and brilliant as he is, because the last time I checked, I'm most definitely not. Secondly, I would also like to think that I'm nowhere as manipulative and rational and stone-heartedly cold as him (though I'm probably as sarcastically mean as he is.) Lastly, I do not think I am as socially inept as he is (And I sincerely hope that to be true.) That said, the way Movie-Zuckerberg deals with people, the way he hides behind the layers of codes and codes like they serve to be some sort of divine protection, the way he uses sarcasm as a weapon, his somewhat callous attitude with regards to sacrificing personal relationships to further his own cause or desires, somewhat reminds me of... well me. I don't think I'm as crystallized as he is, but the same modus operandi seems to be in order. Just the skeleton, but not the flesh.

The truth is, like Movie-Mark, I use nonchalance, avoidance, cold-biting sarcasm as a defence (?offense) mechanism because I'm afraid of interacting with people really. I flutter around, hoping no one sees/notices me, and when they do, I've got this compulsive urge to just say some wise crack that instantly freezes everything and therefore allows me to ran away from the situation. And even when I'm around people I'm familiar with, I still have to fight the urge to say something or let an expression slip because sometimes I wish I weren't in a social situation. People don't seem to notice it, but most of the times, I wish I could just coop myself at home and dabble with my computer all day.

I've never been someone who handles one-on-one relationships properly. I prefer interacting with people as a group, because I much prefer reading cues among people, than reading cues of an individual. It gives me more room to maneuver and possibly slip away unnoticed. I also fear one-on-one connections, because I really suck at them. On one hand, I've always wished I'd one best friend, like Mark's Eduardo, who trusts you implicitly and is always there to watch your back. But I know that I secretly fear such relationships, because to me they represent one way streets that are so hard to turn back, especially when an accident happens and you are caught in a jam of a car wreck. And I know because I've screwed up one or two of such relationships before and I know that I'll rationalize them to no end, and I'll conclude quite stubbornly, (whether I'm right or not), that I'm not at fault and that I refuse to be caught in such emotional quagmires and I'll turn my back and walk away forever. Sort of like how Movie-Mark walked out of Movie-Eduardo.

So I have my GROUPS of close friends. My many cliques that I maintain (whether via mental segmentation or actual physical segmentation), groups of people that I enjoy interacting with, feel familiar and comfortable with. Groups which allow me more room to maneuver, to hide behind humour, to defend myself, to retreat in fear. Because I sometimes fear connection. I really do. But yet, like Movie-Mark, I sometimes desperately desire it too.

I'm highly aware of the fact that this has degraded into a rambling about me and my issues. I apologize for these incessant, unnecessary ramblings. But when a movie as good as the Social Network comes along, its hard not to be stimulated by it. Hence the ramblings.

I suddenly find myself unable to find more things to add here. I've ran out of things to comment of. I think I'll end here.

Awkward.

Day Eight: Three turn ons

As you have probably inferred, I have lost all motivation to continue with this meme list thingy. (Though that pretty much sums up my attitude with regards to most of my leisurely pursuits these days. Sigh.) But at the behest of certain people, I shall continue to slough on with this darn list and shall strive to have it completed by say, this weekend? (Don't count on it though.)

Here goes. Today's list is another killer! (Not in a good way though!)

Day Eight: Three Turn Ons
Sigh. Seriously? Ok. I'll try to take this list seriously. Like serious seriously. Here goes.

1. Girl, be a freakin' human. I'm not into the whole bestiality shit. Neither am I interested in being one of those crazy people who marry a ghost bride or something. No akumas, demons, zombies, aliens or anything of that sort. I mean, I could see myself controlling an army of such beings, but to get aroused by them, isn't really my thing. Yeah.

2. Chocolate. In liberal amounts. Lots of chocolate makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I get high, and when I get high, my filter shuts down and when my filter shuts down, I thing crazy stuff and some of these crazy stuff aren't necessary PG friendly. Hurhur. I'm mad really.

3. ...... I dunno. Don't have body parts that are obviously like... made of plastic? I get really turned off by plastic/synthetic body parts. They freak the hell out of me. I like people au natural. 100% au natural. I don't want to spend my time with a plastic blow up doll really.

That's all. Really crude. Gotta be due to the chocolate dessert and chocolate drink I had after dinner. Hehehehehehe.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Okay, I'm back because its the weekend and I am relatively well rested and free on weekends, therefore I'm more willing to blog. So here I am, with Day Six of this blasted list. Here goes.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Like one of my favouritest people in the world, I cannot seem to narrow it down to just 5 individuals. Therefore, I'll list it down into groups of people. Also, I've decided that I will not include my family in one of my five choices, because, to be honest, if I were to include members of my family in the list, I won't be left with many more slots to fill in really. So yeah, no family in this list!

1. GAG. What can I say? Its been a pleasure to have experienced life with the three of you kooky individuals. I'm really grateful to have met you all during JC and to have enjoyed 6-going-on-7 years of AMAZING friendship with the three of you, its been a blast really. I can safely say that these three are friends that I probably will never ever lose contact with, even as we all march on in different directions as we embark on adult life! You guys seriously rock. Like seriously.

2. 04s71. Now I know some people will feel that there's a bit of overlap between option 1 & 2, seeing as to how GAG and I are all from 04s71, but I got to admit that I sorta view GAG'D as a separate entity from the class. That said, I love 04s71 and I'm glad to have been in such a unique blend of people. I'm still quite amazed at how well gelled our class turned out. I mean, we are all such different individuals, yet we somehow came together to form this special identity. And I'm sure that we'll still have reunions in the many years to come!

3. TCHSCO friends. This group of people were the first group of friends that I felt I belonged to. Granted that we hardly meet up as a group anymore, and I tend to only meet a few individuals a few times a year, but yeah, I must admit that they do mean a lot to me, more than I'll ever admit it. All the crazy (and admittedly childish) things we used to do are just hilarious. I don't think we'll ever have a true reunion anytime soon, but yeah, this bunch of people will always hold a special place in my heart.

4. XC. My XC family from Huang Cheng. Come to think of it, the time we spent together wasn't alot, but I think they were quality time, which probably explains why I'm still quite fond of this group of friends. I haven't seen everyone in ages! Gosh, how fast time flies! Everyone's everywhere, so much so its so hard to arrange a meet up! But yeah, XC will always be a group of people who mean alot to me.

5. Goldilocks. I came into medical school, without a place to sit in the LT, without a group to have lunch with, without a group of people to slog on with. Goldilocks was warm enough to extend a welcoming hand to me, and that was the beginning of a wonderful fairytale with this extremely gracious OG. I'm glad to have known them, every single member of Goldilocks, because they've all made my time in Medical school so much bearable, so much enjoyable, and made it so much more than just pure mugging.

Yeah, that's all for today! Let's see if I update tomorrow!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Okay, I'm fully aware that I did not blog yesterday, especially when I promised to actually write my entry about YOG. But I was too tired yesterday and had to crash at around 10pm or else I would have started my Orthopaedics posting as a half dead zombie. So yeah, but at least I'm here with another list today. No YOG post as promised though, but hopefully I'll get that produced soon, maybe on a day where I manage to get off earlier from posting or something. We'll see.

Anyway, here goes!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1. Quit Swimming. I think it was just me trying to validate my laziness, and unfortunately, it paved the way for a no-sports policy in the next 13 years of post-primary education. And now, I feel that urge to start taking up sports again, but I don't know if its too late. We'll see.

2. Taking up French instead of Japanese as a 3rd Language. I have no idea what transpired my mind then that convinced me to take up French as a 3rd Language, when on hindsight now, I am so much more suited for learning Japanese. Perhaps it was just me wanting to act sophisticated or something. But now, I sorely regret not taking up Japanese because I would have been sure that my interest in Japanese could be properly sustained by a healthy dose of anime & manga.

3. Studying in a Singapore University. I really wanted to go to an overseas university and to just dump that life long dream because I got into medicine was on hindsight, total madness. Nothing I can do about it anymore, but yeah, if only I didn't want to be a doctor then.

4. Deciding to continue with certain plans in M2/M3 involving the formation of clinical groups. I really should have listened to other people's misgivings/advice then about potential problems, but I was too idealistic then and I ended up being quite miserable during 2 years of clinical postings. And now, I'm so much more happy and carefree! Happy indeed.

5. Not joining choir or drama in JC/sec school. I think I'm too much of a wuss really, because I did chose the easier path during sec school and JC. I didn't dare try out for choir at all, even though I really wanted to sing. HAHA. In the end, I joined CO and Huang Cheng's backstage crew because well, they were easier choices/options to make. And even now in med school, I'm still too much of a wuss to try out for performances like Playhouse and stuff. And I probably never ever will. Haha. WUSS.

6. For being so open with regards to relationship issues. Haha. I think its self explanatory, but yeah, I think there were things/feelings that should have been better left unsaid and now that so much things are in the open, its kinda hard to work around these things. It feels like I'm stuck. I really shouldn't be so transparent anymore.

Okay, ward rounds at 730 tomorrow. Time to sleep. Night!

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

I'm back! First thing's first, its part 4 of that quiz thing that's starting to annoy me because it feels like an obligation that I have to accomplish and I hate obligations. But oh well. Here goes.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Hmmmm. I foresee that this list is going to be quite difficult to complete, because my mind works at its best when its neurons are overstimulated and rapidly firing impulses in a totally chaotic and unregulated manner, so there are SO many thoughts that cross my mind that I don't really remember them. That said, I'm going to try my very best to recall as much of them as possible, and list down the more interesting ones here.

1. "Ah crap, what have I gotten myself into this time?"

2. "If I had continued swimming then, would I be much taller than I am today?"

3. "Okay, that's someone I recognize. I hope he/she doesn't notice me. Shit. He/She just noticed me. What should I do? Should I just smile/say hello/wave? Maybe I should just act as if I don't recognize him/her. Oh shit. He's/She's acknowledging my existence! Avoid eye contact and stop moving! Then maybe I'll blend into my environment. Oh shit, he's/she's walking up to me! Initiate evacuation protocol! RUN RUN RUN!"

4. "Ah shit. Some kid's sitting/standing next to me on the bus/MRT. I hope he/she doesn't notice that I'm extremely fearful of him/her. MUST AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COST! Oh shit, I think he/she just smelled the fear in me! Die, must initiate evacuation protocol! RUN RUN RUN!"

5. "Auntie/Xiao Jie ... your fashion sense really CMI leh."

6. "Eh, this ______ (insert some random medical fact/condition) ah, really must know ah? MBBS will come out anot huh?"

7. "Woah, why this guy so handsome/buff/metro and dress so nicely one? Must be Gay."

Okay, I'm quite amused at myself, but I realize that the above thoughts really DO cross my mind very often. Haha. I think I'm mad. But its okay. That means I'm either a genius or a maverick. Take your pick. Kekekekeke.

YOG reflection piece to be up tomorrow! Oo-blah-di, Oo-blah-da, life goes on da! La-la-la-la Life goes on!

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Okay. You can stop rolling your eyes now. I'll have it be known that I'm a spineless individual who is extremely susceptible to the brain-washing machinations of the powers who rule this island city state in which we live in. As you would have probably have guessed by now, I am currently suffering from Post-YOG depression. I couldn't even focus on studying today because all I that I can think about is how the YOG has officially ended and how suck life is going to be right now. Listening to the theme song helps to alleviate some of the pain, so I'm going to post the video in today's post as well. Don't tell me I'm super slow in posting the song on this blog. I wanted to do so ages ago... just that I sorta forgot that I actually had a blog, and I was too ashamed to do so on that social experiment called *acebook.

Now that that's out of the way, let's go on with Day Three of the quiz-thing.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart
Hmmm... Today's topic is destined to be an interesting one. "Eight ways to WIN my heart". Ha. I doubt anyone would even want to attempt to do that. I don't have a clear idea of what these 8 ways would be, so I'm just going to wing it and we'll see where we end up from here.

1. You have to be shorter than me. I'm sorry. I'm a vertically challenged boy, and no matter what others might say, height matters. I have a fragile ego and being taller than me would just utterly crush me. HA. Nah. That's not the real reason. (At least not the major one.) I think its just not visually & biologically appealing for the boy to be shorter than the girl. So yeah. I'm a prude that way.

2. Be smart & intelligent. Intelligence is sexy, even in girls. (Why am I being so sexist here!?!?) But yeah, I think I would fall head over heels for a girl who can challenge me mentally - come up with ideas/view on life that I never ever had before, engage me in a mental duel of sorts, and occasionally trounce me. That's going to be such an attractive quality.

3. Not be an overbearing, whiny *itch. Some girls just annoy me because they keep going on and on about the most frivolous things in life and expect things to be served to them on a golden platter. And the way they demand for your service or attention is so mind-f*ckingly rude that I really don't see a need to be even polite to them.

4. Have some kind of hobby/interest/activity that you are really passionate or skilled in. I actually like learning new things and if you are so passionate in something that you manage to get me interested in it as well, then you would have succeeded in influencing an extremely stubborn person and that's just freaking amazing.

5. Have a certain level of independence. I'm extremely independent and if there's one thing I fear the most is losing that independence and having some girl cling on to me 24/7. I need my personal space and time quite regularly and if you aren't able to give me that then I most probably won't be able to tolerate you. I just can't find the patience to deal with someone who needs my attention every single freaking moment. It'll drive me crazy.

6. Be able to tolerate my many quirks and eccentricities. I have to admit that I'm not an easy person to be in a long term relationship with. Haha. Heck, I'm terrible as a boyfriend really. I think I have a penchant for being quite unpredictable and ever changing, so if you can tolerate me, I'll probably give my heart and soul to you or something.

7. Be a lover of animals and nature. I cannot imagine not being able to enjoy nature with my girlfriend/wife. I definitely WOULD NOT like it if I went to Sungei Buloh with her and she keeps complaining about the mosquitoes or the weather. Or if she hates animals and thinks that global warming is just a theory. Or if she doesn't believe in doing her part to protect the environment and insists that we don't practice the 3 Rs. OR WORSE, she doesn't even know what the 3Rs are! I will seriously freak out.

8. Be someone who isn't afraid to occasionally lead the way. I think this stems from my tendency to be a bit lazy sometimes. I feel that in this age and day, both girls and boys should take equal share in taking the initiative. I get mildly irritated when girls still expect to be treated like a princess who expects the guy to plan everything during dates and only aims to complain when she doesn't like what was planned in the first place. Be confident and take the driver's seat at times. Its the age of gender equality man! Show me how great you are at being the boss, and I'll be smitten by you.

Okay, I'm finally done. Well, I don't think I managed to capture what I wanted to say properly, but yeah, the gist is there. I just barely managed to squeeze out 8 things to write about. Never thought that it'll be that difficult! But oh well, that's done and locked in. Not that it matters anyway. I'm sure that when the right girl comes, I'll know and whatever "criteria" that one used to go by wouldn't matter at all, even if she totally doesn't fit ANY of the above mentioned criterion. That's love. It makes fools out of all of us.

See ya again tomorrow then!

a blatant attempt to kick start this dead blog.

Its now August and its been close to 2 months since I last blogged an entry here. I vaguely recalled that I wanted to follow up my last entry, which was a reflection of my days in London, with a reflection of my days in New York. Obviously, I've failed to do so. Haha. The draft of that entry's still in my hard drive actually, but obviously, I've been procrastinating alot and with the commencement of what is hopefully my last year in Medical School, time to really sit down and contemplate is probably going to be a luxury that's few and far between. So really, we'll see if I do decide to get that entry publish. Yup, we'll see.

To be honest, I don't think anybody really reads this blog anyway. But I'm currently in my insomniac phase again and I really can't seem to fall asleep so I decided to do some random internet surfing when I stumbled on an update on the blog of one of my favorite-st people in the whole wide world. Its one of those quiz things that I JUST CAN'T stop myself from wanting to complete it. So here goes.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

So basically, today's day one and I'm suppose to write down ten things that I want to say to ten different people. Here goes!

Day one: 10 things that I wanna say to 10 different people
1. Its okay that you didn't win a medal really! Work hard and don't ever give up! That's the spirit of a true champion. Other medals will come your way if you keep working at it.
2. I think you should do what your heart tells you to do, and not what my brain tells you to do. Cause your heart's really pure while my brain needs a cure. Haha.
3. I think you need help. Like serious help. Like serious, serious, serious help. In fact, I think you need it right now. Like RIGHT RIGHT NOW..... What are you still waiting for!?!?!?! GET HELP NOW!
4. I hope you had another good week at school! I feel guilty that I'm like gallivanting across YOG venues when I actually promised to help you out with school during these two weeks.
5. I think we should meet up more often. Like once every week. It'll give me something to look forward to. Plus, its always cathartic to talk to you guys. You guys really rock!
6. WHY IS YOG really ending? And ORTHO starting! And my 2 week study break is ending! WHY WHY WHY!
7. Eh I don't know if I can really get into residency leh. But I will still try. So really, you all should try to.
8. You guys should just make up. Its so strange to see you both not talking to each other in the way you used to.
9. Don't play with fire, unless you are really flamin' hot yourself and can really take the heat, or you just love the pain it causes you. Just don't come screaming when it gives you ugly scars, cause they ain't gonna be pretty!
10. Don't take my advice too seriously, because I sometimes say things with the aim of causing trouble, because I actually like seeing people in trouble. Sometimes. Not all the time. But yeah, I'm a poltergeist in disguise.

Okay. That's done. It wasn't of any help to my insomnia, because I'm still as energetic as ever. This is a reason why I hate long breaks. It totally screws up my sleep cycle. I'm tired but I can't SLEEP. I need to sleep. Lest I become a crazy red lobster. Argh. Ack. Shucks.

if only we could dissect everything.

This is my first entry in almost 2 months, and I've felt like I've been on an amazing life changing journey since that entry dated 2nd April. I'm still in New York, the Big Apple. The city's great, but I definitely miss London more. There's something about New York that fascinates me, but after awhile, it really gets onto you. Its not that good a place to live in, and when you are up against a place like London, a place that I love so much, a place that holds such a special place in my heart, New York really kinda flounders. But its still a great exciting place to visit.

I'm currently typing this entry at Mt Sinai's library now. I guess I'm really supposed to be in Surgery right now, but to be honest, I don't know if I can stand to observe or scrub in to another surgery here. The surgery I was supposed to go for is an Aterio-venous fistula creation, something that I've seen over 4 times during my stay here and I seriously do not want to watch another again. I don't understand these Americans though. They expect us to keep watching the same surgeries over and over again and when we choose not to, they grumble that we should do so because that's the whole point of residency. But we AREN'T on residency! Surgery's BORING. Oh my god. I wanna stick a scalpel in their Jugulars. And then they go on about how everything here's our choice. And when we make a choice that's the opposite of what they expect us to do, they grumble. Typical American style democracy: you can choose what you want, but as long as its not the same decision as theirs, its not a good decision.

I think Americans are much too intense for their own good. Its not as if they are super stellar or outstanding; they are about as efficient as the British, and that's not a compliment either. But I like the British way of doing things more - they have a more relaxed, more reserved way of making decisions and accepting decisions. I think Britain rules. Here everyone treats the patients so aggressively, I sometimes wonder if they're killing them instead. Its horrendous, unethical even. I dunno, I'm glad I came on this posting, because I'm convinced that I would NEVER ever want to work in the USA. The system's just not for me. Its a very enterprise like system, too commercialized, to business-like. I pray that Singapore's health care system isn't evolving to something similar, because it certainly isn't the right way to go.

I have so much thoughts about these two months. One day, I'll have to settle myself down to properly make sense of it all. Time to grab lunch. Tata!

無眠

無眠
【曲/史俊威　詞/吳青峰、林暐哲】
今阿日月娘那這呢光
照著阮歸暝攏未凍睏
連頭毛都沒休睏

你甘知阮對你的思念
希望你有同款的夢
咱兩人做陣返來那一天
互相依偎的情愛

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解

今阿日月娘那這呢光
照著阮歸暝攏未凍睏
親像魚死底花園

你甘知阮對你的思念
希望你有同款的夢
咱兩人做陣返來那一天
互相依偎的情愛

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解

我不管多少時間
多少目屎多少失望來忍耐
我不管你當時會返來
其實我嘛不知影為怎樣為怎樣憨憨等待
你
是我唯一的愛......

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解
為著你 我一定等
_____________________________________

這是一個愛情等待者的自我獨白，他無悔於等待，守護著愛。他希望 像鳥一般比翼雙飛，卻成為了失去水的魚。

I'm feeling some strange emotions today, emotions that I haven't felt in a long long time.

Sometimes, we human beings think and analyse stuff too much. It gets exhausting and honestly, just kills brain cells. Which is why I like things straight forward and simple. Maybe some would view it as reckless, tactless even dangerous, but I find it refreshing. I think we are stronger than we think. We aren't made of porcelain. So go ahead, be direct, tell them the truth, because they are strong enough to handle it.

To those out there who are waiting for Mister or Miss Right, this beautiful song if for you. The fact that it is in Hokkien makes it so much more sophisticated.

Peace and love.

Of intubations, leopards and tigers.

I think its really strange to transition from intubating and doing CPR on a couple of collapsed patients, to making your way home the next moment to change before leaving for the Night Safari to do my part for the department in helping to entertain a distinguished foreign guest. Such is the nature of life in the emergency department. (And shift work!)

I haven't had much time to really get a feel of what its like to be working in the Emergency Department because I've only just started elective there on Monday, and so far the supervisor I'm supposed to be following is on leave and my replacement supervisor is on leave every other day, but yeah, I've learnt that in Emergency Medicine, you really can't predict what's going to happen next. There are quiet night calls, and there are extremely hellish ones. There are days were everything goes according to plan and there are nights that hell will rain blood and tears all over you. Take today for example: in the span of the 2 hours where I was on the shop floor, there were a total of 4 standbys one after another(2 of them were collapses, 1 STEMI and 1 AMS), another patient who suddenly deteriorated while making her way to the CT scan and a resuscitation bay that was jammed packed with people rushing to create a sense of order among the chaos. Today also marks the first time I had ever heard the anguish screams of relatives resonating through the air when they are first told the words that every family dreads to hear from the mouth of a doctor: 'I'm sorry, but we've done our best.' I had only thought that you'll hear or see such scenes in the movies, but today I realized that it happens in real life as well. And the message really hit home because the patient in question was one of two patients that I had intubated and performed CPR on. You realize that this is life. There's always going to be death. Such is the nature of Medicine.

And of course, the next moment, I was on my way home because I was "volunteered" by my replacement supervisor to accompany another registrar and a foreign dignitary to the Night Safari, and thus ended my shift 5 hours before I was due to go. (I highly suspect that its all his ploy to get rid of me!). It was a surreal experience, having to just drop all the drama and horror seen in the last 45 mins or so and just walk out of the department doors having to feel excited and happy about going to the Night Safari, but I was strangely up to it. It just felt surreal and a bit weird, but the sadness isn't there anymore. Either I've become too jaded and used to death, or I've just master the art of letting go.

But anyway, that's not my point. I was asking the registrar involved why she had to play tour guide as well and she gave me the 'Duh, just like you, I got arrowed lah' look. I guess being arrowed to do stuff totally unrelated to the practice of medicine, is probably something that all junior specialist doctors have to do. Being arrowed to do sai-gang: probably a constant here in Singapore really, regardless of where you actually work in. But yeah, it was interesting. Entertaining foreign guests can be amusing. Its all smiles and cordial speech. It gets quite tiring as well, but it was something different compared to I don't know, setting an IV line or Toilet and Suturing. But such is the wonder of the shift system - you have time to do something totally unrelated to medicine everyday, which can be a perfect break sometimes.

I wonder what other surprises lie in wait in the TTSH A&E department. I can hardly wait. =)

我沒有說謊 ;)

Its November, and I realised that the last entry here was dated 15th of October. Its been more than a month since I've left an entry here! Time really flies when you are preoccupied with work. Haha.

Its been five weeks since I last visited my blog. In these five weeks, I've started on my excruciating path down Obstetrics and Gynaecology, which really isn't a breeze to go through at all. In the past five weeks, I've delivered babies, I've seen (and examined) the nether regions of many women, I've touched countless pregnant bellies and I've come to reinforce my conclusion that O and G is definitely not my cup of tea. Its not as disgusting as I had envisioned it be to, and truth be told, its definitely easier than paediatrics, but honestly you have to really enjoy interacting and dealing with hormonal, angry and grumpy women to love O and G. Its definitely a job for women. Who better to deal with women than women themselves?

I haven't been doing much in the past few weeks except work work work. There was playhouse in which I was glad that I could at least help out a bit in the production. There were the occasional meetings with family and friends. And then there was the period of severe depression and exhaustion that lasted for 5 days or so. But I'm glad that the depression is over (the exhaustion, unfortunately, is never ever going to go away!) and I think I shouldn't have a problem surviving the last 3 weeks before the end of my most feared posting.

Anyway, I was studying when this random thought just floated into my brain: people lie all the time, whether or not they actually meant for these lies to hurt is another matter altogether. I think alot of people lie to people that they are close to: be it girlfriends/boyfriends, spouses, family, friends, mistresses/lover etc. Very often, we don't lie to those that we aren't close to at all. We couldn't care less if they heard the painful truth, so we just give them a dose of toxic reality and let them deal with the consequences. But when it comes to someone who you genuinely like, you can help but lie - whether its preferring to avoid letting them know the truth, whether its acting as if nothing bad ever happened and just letting them continue to live on with their lives, we prefer to avoid dumping the ugly truth on them. We do so because we supposedly care about their feelings and emotions, to 'protect' them, but sometimes, such actions would result in more harm than good.

The truth is an extremely fickle and dangerous thing. I don't really like to be faced with it, but I think we are unfortunately forced to deal with it everyday. I feel like I'm forced to cope with it be telling more lies which sends everything into a conundrum of repetitive causality and effect. I guess lying is a coping mechanism, to hide from the realities of the world - some people live in fantasies, some people live in lies.

It just so happens that Yoga 林宥嘉's new album has this fantastic new song called "說謊"!


"我沒有說謊 我何必說謊
愛一個人 沒愛到難道就會怎麼樣
別說我說謊 人生已經如此的艱難
有些事情就不要拆穿"
I think this stanza is appropriately apt. At the end of the day, I guess its better to live with the lies and avoid uncovering them - some things are better left uncovered. :)

The problem with being idle

This week's gonna be my last ever week of being idle in a very long time. Haha. With the end of my short postings just around the corner, I feel a slight tinge of sadness that my life's going to be replaced by the madness that is O&G. But truth be told, a part of me is actually happy that such idle days are almost over. I honestly feel that having absolutely nothing to study for is much much worse than having tonnes of work to do. The days of short postings were just like the former - very often, there just wasn't any impetus to read or to learn stuff. They were just days of endless waiting and loafing about - too much loafing in fact! I think my brain has officially undergone liquefactive necrosis and has turned into jello.

Not that I did not enjoy my days in the various short postings. I had fun in most, if not all of them. Still, I feel like I've come out of these short postings without truly accomplishing anything, like I've just woken up from an incredibly long coma and is currently struggling to shake off the remnants of stupor. I need some excitement to refresh my life man. These 2 months of slacking has really taken a toil on whatever edge I once had.

Then again, once O&G gets underway, I'll probably look back at this entry and wonder 'WHAT THE HELL WAS I COMPLAINING ABOUT?!?!' But yeah, that's another issue for me to face another day. As of now, I need to get out of this slump. TOO MUCH COMPUTER GAMES. ARGH.

Love is...

Just something out of Friends:

Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is wondrous work of art
But your love, Oh your love, your love
Is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart

Phoebe is hilarious! Haha

a round up of my feelings in the past week or so

Recently, I've been attending many get-togethers and reunions with old friends. And these meetings never fail to make me happy. =)

I can only say: keep 'em coming! And National Day is coming!
Nothing beats celebrating National Day with Family and Friends!
Needless to say, I'm excited! Hence my good mood!

Hope it lasts! Haha! =P