Cause we need a little Christmas now!

The fact that Christmas is here tells us many things:
1. The year 2010 is fast becoming yesteryear and the year 2011 is fast becoming reality.
2. Time flies, even when you aren't having fun!
3. People are gonna panic. Period.
4. Orchard is not going to be a safe place anymore. (Not that it was ever safe in the first place!)
5. The Nights are going to be colder, wetter, longer but more magical.

More importantly, the fact that Christmas is here serves as a reminder that there's so much to be thankful for. No matter how busy or screwed up you deem your life to be, we mustn't forget that there's always a life outside of this mugging bonanza, that there's always light in the darkness of everybody's life. So why not just kick back and relax on this very special day? Do something worthwhile! Enjoy your time with family or friends! Catch a feel good sappy movie! Or just enjoy a nice peaceful night on the rooftop, watching the stars shine!

Because goodness knows that, once in awhile, we all need something special in our tragic little lives to hold on to. Lest we be soul-less automatons that can't achieve anything beyond enslavement of mind, body and soul. =]

Merry X'mas everybody! Don't let the Reindeer bite!

and we will one day walk in bitter rain

This weekend has been one of the most trying ever. Its been both mentally and emotionally draining.

Once again, we bear witness to the extreme fragility of life. It brings back memories of the days in Secondary school, where our batch also faced a similar tragedy. I remember very vividly, the tears that some of my close friends had upon attending the wake, and I remember standing there, at a total loss for words, not knowing what to do to make the grief better. 7 years on, and I find myself facing a similar situation, though this time, the emotions are amplified a hundred times over. Because unlike the previous incident, this happens to involve a person with whom I'd known, someone whom I had spent 6 years of my school life, growing up together, making music together; together we were gunning for golds. I remember sitting just diagonally across him in the Orchestra, remember the brief conversations that I had with him throughout these 6 years, remember the cheerful, shy almost bashful smile he gave everyone when he greeted them.

Admittedly, we hardly had much contact since we graduated from junior college. I've never been close to him like how some others were. But nonetheless, it still hurts to know that gentle soul that I first met when we were precocious 13 year olds isn't here with us anymore. And it hurts me more to know that it was such a needless loss, a loss that shouldn't have happen, but yet, a loss that was probably beyond all of our control. Why it happened, perhaps we will never know. But what I do know, is that this has left a void in many people's hearts and perhaps, we will never ever dare view life in such a frivolous manner again.

"When the cold of winter comes
Starless night will cover day
In the veiling of the sun
We will walk in bitter rain

But in dreams
I can hear your name
And in dreams
We will meet again

When the seas and mountains fall
And we come, to end of days
In the dark I hear a call
Calling me there,
I will go there
And back again" - 'In Dreams' from the "Fellowship of the Ring'

One day, we will all walk together in bitter rain. Til then, you'll live on in our hearts and minds, while you find happiness where we cannot follow.

But have no doubt, you will be sorely missed.

Day Eight: Three turn ons

As you have probably inferred, I have lost all motivation to continue with this meme list thingy. (Though that pretty much sums up my attitude with regards to most of my leisurely pursuits these days. Sigh.) But at the behest of certain people, I shall continue to slough on with this darn list and shall strive to have it completed by say, this weekend? (Don't count on it though.)

Here goes. Today's list is another killer! (Not in a good way though!)

Day Eight: Three Turn Ons
Sigh. Seriously? Ok. I'll try to take this list seriously. Like serious seriously. Here goes.

1. Girl, be a freakin' human. I'm not into the whole bestiality shit. Neither am I interested in being one of those crazy people who marry a ghost bride or something. No akumas, demons, zombies, aliens or anything of that sort. I mean, I could see myself controlling an army of such beings, but to get aroused by them, isn't really my thing. Yeah.

2. Chocolate. In liberal amounts. Lots of chocolate makes me happy, and when I'm happy, I get high, and when I get high, my filter shuts down and when my filter shuts down, I thing crazy stuff and some of these crazy stuff aren't necessary PG friendly. Hurhur. I'm mad really.

3. ...... I dunno. Don't have body parts that are obviously like... made of plastic? I get really turned off by plastic/synthetic body parts. They freak the hell out of me. I like people au natural. 100% au natural. I don't want to spend my time with a plastic blow up doll really.

That's all. Really crude. Gotta be due to the chocolate dessert and chocolate drink I had after dinner. Hehehehehehe.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.

And as an added bonus, here's another entry. As a continuation of that meme challenge, here goes.

Day Seven: Four turn offs.
1. Don't be so whiny and needy, or be incredibly self-absorbed. I cannot stand whiny or needy people. People who need constant attention 24/7 are people who have the potential to bug the hell out of me. They just completely turn me off. If you can't talk about anything else other than 'Me Me Me!' or your hundred and fifty seven dis-pleasures regarding life on Earth, then please do not come to talk to me or even better, do not get to know me. You won't like me at all!

2. Don't be so competitive and harp all day about results. I think people who get overly competitive about every single thing in life really need to learn how to chill and relax. Take a step back and you'll realize that you don't have to be victorious in every single thing in life. Life isn't meant to be a bed of roses. You have bad days where you aren't the champion. So what? Just go smell the carnations instead. They are pretty flowers too.

3. Arrogance is such a big turn off. Its okay if you are confident about your own abilities and you show it in a polite and controlled manner. But to behave as if you are the biggest piece of shit in the world is another matter altogether. Some people act as if they are superior to others just because they know a little more about something or can do something better than others. I wanna tell these people that its not your abilities that people will remember you by; its the way you behave among others and what others think of you that matters more in life. No point being the greatest clinician of all time if everyone thinks you are the biggest, most pretentious prick in the world and can't be bothered to even consult you!

4. Being manipulative, but not being good at it. I think its actually okay to be manipulative, especially if you are good at it, because people wouldn't actually know that you are being manipulative. But to be manipulative and not able to actual cover your tracks is just tragic. If you managed to manipulate everyone without anyone ever knowing, you'll be my hero. If you attempt to manipulate everyone, only to fail spectacularly, then you're just a loser really. Boo hoo.

and so it ends...

I'm currently high on Mocha right now, so I decided to get this entry up and running while I'm in creative and chatty mood. Just came home from Hwachong's annual MAF. I've got to be honest, this is probably going to be my last year attending MAF. I know I've been contemplating that every year, but after 6 different MAFs, I think this is really it. Its not that MAF has lost its meaning, its just that I think its time for me to take a step back and let it all go. Its time to accept that I've got to embark onto my adult life and to really venture out into the wild and crazy world. Every year MAF serves as some sort of escape route from facing the realities of growing up, where once a year, you can just go back to a school that's my Hogwarts, to feel safe being surrounded by its 4 walls, but I really think its time I stopped relying of this sort of escapism.

I know that I'll probably miss MAF, but the fact is, with each passing year, I feel that there's a new generation of Hwa Chongians who will come back to Hwa Chong and keep the spirit and the flame alive. Its really time for us to hand that torch to them. We'll work to keep that flame burning in a different way, doing our part to build a better home, a better nation, a better world for the future generations to come.

So I've decided that this year's MAF will be my last. Maybe one day I'll decide to come back. But I foresee that that day won't be anytime soon. It probably be a day 10 years down the road, where I'm happily married and I'll bring my wife and kids down to see the tradition that made me so proud to be a Hwa Chongian. But til then, its goodbye MAF. Thanks for all the wonderful memories. You'll be a tradition that will live on and on.

"多年以后又再相逢
我们都有了疲倦的笑容
问一声我的朋友 何时再为我吹奏
是否依旧是否依旧" - 细水长流

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Okay, I'm back because its the weekend and I am relatively well rested and free on weekends, therefore I'm more willing to blog. So here I am, with Day Six of this blasted list. Here goes.

Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)

Like one of my favouritest people in the world, I cannot seem to narrow it down to just 5 individuals. Therefore, I'll list it down into groups of people. Also, I've decided that I will not include my family in one of my five choices, because, to be honest, if I were to include members of my family in the list, I won't be left with many more slots to fill in really. So yeah, no family in this list!

1. GAG. What can I say? Its been a pleasure to have experienced life with the three of you kooky individuals. I'm really grateful to have met you all during JC and to have enjoyed 6-going-on-7 years of AMAZING friendship with the three of you, its been a blast really. I can safely say that these three are friends that I probably will never ever lose contact with, even as we all march on in different directions as we embark on adult life! You guys seriously rock. Like seriously.

2. 04s71. Now I know some people will feel that there's a bit of overlap between option 1 & 2, seeing as to how GAG and I are all from 04s71, but I got to admit that I sorta view GAG'D as a separate entity from the class. That said, I love 04s71 and I'm glad to have been in such a unique blend of people. I'm still quite amazed at how well gelled our class turned out. I mean, we are all such different individuals, yet we somehow came together to form this special identity. And I'm sure that we'll still have reunions in the many years to come!

3. TCHSCO friends. This group of people were the first group of friends that I felt I belonged to. Granted that we hardly meet up as a group anymore, and I tend to only meet a few individuals a few times a year, but yeah, I must admit that they do mean a lot to me, more than I'll ever admit it. All the crazy (and admittedly childish) things we used to do are just hilarious. I don't think we'll ever have a true reunion anytime soon, but yeah, this bunch of people will always hold a special place in my heart.

4. XC. My XC family from Huang Cheng. Come to think of it, the time we spent together wasn't alot, but I think they were quality time, which probably explains why I'm still quite fond of this group of friends. I haven't seen everyone in ages! Gosh, how fast time flies! Everyone's everywhere, so much so its so hard to arrange a meet up! But yeah, XC will always be a group of people who mean alot to me.

5. Goldilocks. I came into medical school, without a place to sit in the LT, without a group to have lunch with, without a group of people to slog on with. Goldilocks was warm enough to extend a welcoming hand to me, and that was the beginning of a wonderful fairytale with this extremely gracious OG. I'm glad to have known them, every single member of Goldilocks, because they've all made my time in Medical school so much bearable, so much enjoyable, and made it so much more than just pure mugging.

Yeah, that's all for today! Let's see if I update tomorrow!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.

Okay, I'm fully aware that I did not blog yesterday, especially when I promised to actually write my entry about YOG. But I was too tired yesterday and had to crash at around 10pm or else I would have started my Orthopaedics posting as a half dead zombie. So yeah, but at least I'm here with another list today. No YOG post as promised though, but hopefully I'll get that produced soon, maybe on a day where I manage to get off earlier from posting or something. We'll see.

Anyway, here goes!

Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
1. Quit Swimming. I think it was just me trying to validate my laziness, and unfortunately, it paved the way for a no-sports policy in the next 13 years of post-primary education. And now, I feel that urge to start taking up sports again, but I don't know if its too late. We'll see.

2. Taking up French instead of Japanese as a 3rd Language. I have no idea what transpired my mind then that convinced me to take up French as a 3rd Language, when on hindsight now, I am so much more suited for learning Japanese. Perhaps it was just me wanting to act sophisticated or something. But now, I sorely regret not taking up Japanese because I would have been sure that my interest in Japanese could be properly sustained by a healthy dose of anime & manga.

3. Studying in a Singapore University. I really wanted to go to an overseas university and to just dump that life long dream because I got into medicine was on hindsight, total madness. Nothing I can do about it anymore, but yeah, if only I didn't want to be a doctor then.

4. Deciding to continue with certain plans in M2/M3 involving the formation of clinical groups. I really should have listened to other people's misgivings/advice then about potential problems, but I was too idealistic then and I ended up being quite miserable during 2 years of clinical postings. And now, I'm so much more happy and carefree! Happy indeed.

5. Not joining choir or drama in JC/sec school. I think I'm too much of a wuss really, because I did chose the easier path during sec school and JC. I didn't dare try out for choir at all, even though I really wanted to sing. HAHA. In the end, I joined CO and Huang Cheng's backstage crew because well, they were easier choices/options to make. And even now in med school, I'm still too much of a wuss to try out for performances like Playhouse and stuff. And I probably never ever will. Haha. WUSS.

6. For being so open with regards to relationship issues. Haha. I think its self explanatory, but yeah, I think there were things/feelings that should have been better left unsaid and now that so much things are in the open, its kinda hard to work around these things. It feels like I'm stuck. I really shouldn't be so transparent anymore.

Okay, ward rounds at 730 tomorrow. Time to sleep. Night!

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.

I'm back! First thing's first, its part 4 of that quiz thing that's starting to annoy me because it feels like an obligation that I have to accomplish and I hate obligations. But oh well. Here goes.

Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Hmmmm. I foresee that this list is going to be quite difficult to complete, because my mind works at its best when its neurons are overstimulated and rapidly firing impulses in a totally chaotic and unregulated manner, so there are SO many thoughts that cross my mind that I don't really remember them. That said, I'm going to try my very best to recall as much of them as possible, and list down the more interesting ones here.

1. "Ah crap, what have I gotten myself into this time?"

2. "If I had continued swimming then, would I be much taller than I am today?"

3. "Okay, that's someone I recognize. I hope he/she doesn't notice me. Shit. He/She just noticed me. What should I do? Should I just smile/say hello/wave? Maybe I should just act as if I don't recognize him/her. Oh shit. He's/She's acknowledging my existence! Avoid eye contact and stop moving! Then maybe I'll blend into my environment. Oh shit, he's/she's walking up to me! Initiate evacuation protocol! RUN RUN RUN!"

4. "Ah shit. Some kid's sitting/standing next to me on the bus/MRT. I hope he/she doesn't notice that I'm extremely fearful of him/her. MUST AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL COST! Oh shit, I think he/she just smelled the fear in me! Die, must initiate evacuation protocol! RUN RUN RUN!"

5. "Auntie/Xiao Jie ... your fashion sense really CMI leh."

6. "Eh, this ______ (insert some random medical fact/condition) ah, really must know ah? MBBS will come out anot huh?"

7. "Woah, why this guy so handsome/buff/metro and dress so nicely one? Must be Gay."

Okay, I'm quite amused at myself, but I realize that the above thoughts really DO cross my mind very often. Haha. I think I'm mad. But its okay. That means I'm either a genius or a maverick. Take your pick. Kekekekeke.

YOG reflection piece to be up tomorrow! Oo-blah-di, Oo-blah-da, life goes on da! La-la-la-la Life goes on!

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.

Okay. You can stop rolling your eyes now. I'll have it be known that I'm a spineless individual who is extremely susceptible to the brain-washing machinations of the powers who rule this island city state in which we live in. As you would have probably have guessed by now, I am currently suffering from Post-YOG depression. I couldn't even focus on studying today because all I that I can think about is how the YOG has officially ended and how suck life is going to be right now. Listening to the theme song helps to alleviate some of the pain, so I'm going to post the video in today's post as well. Don't tell me I'm super slow in posting the song on this blog. I wanted to do so ages ago... just that I sorta forgot that I actually had a blog, and I was too ashamed to do so on that social experiment called *acebook.

Now that that's out of the way, let's go on with Day Three of the quiz-thing.

Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart
Hmmm... Today's topic is destined to be an interesting one. "Eight ways to WIN my heart". Ha. I doubt anyone would even want to attempt to do that. I don't have a clear idea of what these 8 ways would be, so I'm just going to wing it and we'll see where we end up from here.

1. You have to be shorter than me. I'm sorry. I'm a vertically challenged boy, and no matter what others might say, height matters. I have a fragile ego and being taller than me would just utterly crush me. HA. Nah. That's not the real reason. (At least not the major one.) I think its just not visually & biologically appealing for the boy to be shorter than the girl. So yeah. I'm a prude that way.

2. Be smart & intelligent. Intelligence is sexy, even in girls. (Why am I being so sexist here!?!?) But yeah, I think I would fall head over heels for a girl who can challenge me mentally - come up with ideas/view on life that I never ever had before, engage me in a mental duel of sorts, and occasionally trounce me. That's going to be such an attractive quality.

3. Not be an overbearing, whiny *itch. Some girls just annoy me because they keep going on and on about the most frivolous things in life and expect things to be served to them on a golden platter. And the way they demand for your service or attention is so mind-f*ckingly rude that I really don't see a need to be even polite to them.

4. Have some kind of hobby/interest/activity that you are really passionate or skilled in. I actually like learning new things and if you are so passionate in something that you manage to get me interested in it as well, then you would have succeeded in influencing an extremely stubborn person and that's just freaking amazing.

5. Have a certain level of independence. I'm extremely independent and if there's one thing I fear the most is losing that independence and having some girl cling on to me 24/7. I need my personal space and time quite regularly and if you aren't able to give me that then I most probably won't be able to tolerate you. I just can't find the patience to deal with someone who needs my attention every single freaking moment. It'll drive me crazy.

6. Be able to tolerate my many quirks and eccentricities. I have to admit that I'm not an easy person to be in a long term relationship with. Haha. Heck, I'm terrible as a boyfriend really. I think I have a penchant for being quite unpredictable and ever changing, so if you can tolerate me, I'll probably give my heart and soul to you or something.

7. Be a lover of animals and nature. I cannot imagine not being able to enjoy nature with my girlfriend/wife. I definitely WOULD NOT like it if I went to Sungei Buloh with her and she keeps complaining about the mosquitoes or the weather. Or if she hates animals and thinks that global warming is just a theory. Or if she doesn't believe in doing her part to protect the environment and insists that we don't practice the 3 Rs. OR WORSE, she doesn't even know what the 3Rs are! I will seriously freak out.

8. Be someone who isn't afraid to occasionally lead the way. I think this stems from my tendency to be a bit lazy sometimes. I feel that in this age and day, both girls and boys should take equal share in taking the initiative. I get mildly irritated when girls still expect to be treated like a princess who expects the guy to plan everything during dates and only aims to complain when she doesn't like what was planned in the first place. Be confident and take the driver's seat at times. Its the age of gender equality man! Show me how great you are at being the boss, and I'll be smitten by you.

Okay, I'm finally done. Well, I don't think I managed to capture what I wanted to say properly, but yeah, the gist is there. I just barely managed to squeeze out 8 things to write about. Never thought that it'll be that difficult! But oh well, that's done and locked in. Not that it matters anyway. I'm sure that when the right girl comes, I'll know and whatever "criteria" that one used to go by wouldn't matter at all, even if she totally doesn't fit ANY of the above mentioned criterion. That's love. It makes fools out of all of us.

See ya again tomorrow then!

Day Two: Nine things about yourself.

Today's the last day of the inaugural Youth Olympic Games held in Singapore. I can't help but feel a sense of utter disappointment that the Youth Olympics are over. 12 days have gone by so quickly. I did make a couple of trips down to watch some of the events 'live' but I do regret not having done so earlier. Then again, tickets weren't really made available til about halfway through the games so I wouldn't have been able to get tickets anyway. Still, its been such a pleasure viewing the games, both 'live' and from home. I have quite alot of thoughts and feelings with regards to the Youth Olympics, so I think I'll leave them to another entry, either tomorrow or over the weekend. But I'm going to miss it really.

That said, I'm here to complete day two of the quiz thing that I've embarked on. Here goes!

Day Two: Nine things about myself
1. I am a closet patriot. I'm usually not too vocal about my love for my country, but I tend to get unbelievably patriotic whenever I watch big national events like NDP, YOG and the likes. Even watching the F1 Grand Prix makes me proud to be a Singaporean. Also, I absolutely love the Singapore skyline. Its amazing. Marina Bay is shaping up to be a real beauty man.

2. I have a habit/superstition with regards to cutting my hair. I will never have my hair cut when I'm in the midst of studying for a major exam because I believe that each strain of hair lost to that pair of dastardly scissors, is equivalent to some little bit of knowledge lost. So yeah, I tend to have very messy hair when I sit for major exams.

3. My biggest vice is probably that of laziness. That's probably why I tend to leave most of my personal projects for the dead. That and oh, procrastination. Its a sad thing really. But I just can't see a solution round it that I'll like.

4. I also tend to be very extreme with regards to developing interests in things. I get obsessed over an idea/concept/sport/game extremely quickly and get bored with it even quicker. Haha. That's probably the reason why my personal interests and hobbies actually change so often and regularly, and that I'm always constantly looking for new things to get obsessed with. Its an endless cycle of everlasting boredom.

5. That said, I'm very different in my approach to work. I tend to be a bit stubborn with my approach to studies and would take an extremely pragmatic, no nonsense, dogmatic method to planning a study schedule and sticking to it. No questions asked.

6. I love to do things at my own pace. That includes traveling. My ideal vacation is to throw me to a country/city for a month or so and just allow me to take my time to explore and live in that country/city. That's the way I like it really.

7. I have drawn loads of stuff and written loads of stories/scripts/poems and lyrics but I've never ever showed them to anyone. I've even destroyed a box worth of these creations before. I think I create for my own pleasure, but being able to destroy these creations gives me even greater satisfaction. Perverse indeed.

8. I'm quite interested in stuff that's dark, kooky, morbid, even grotesque, but my view of life and the world in general, is actually quite optimistic and cheery. (This totally surprises me!) I think it helps that I'm so used to negative energies, such that they don't bother me these days and I'm able to just march on with life in my own peaceful little bubble of chakras that just emote positivity.

9. I admit that I'm a bit of a prankster. I sometimes rejoice in the misfortune of others, and wouldn't ever miss an opportunity to embarrass someone or make them squirm! YAY!

Okay. I'm dead beat. Time to sleep. Tata!

a blatant attempt to kick start this dead blog.

Its now August and its been close to 2 months since I last blogged an entry here. I vaguely recalled that I wanted to follow up my last entry, which was a reflection of my days in London, with a reflection of my days in New York. Obviously, I've failed to do so. Haha. The draft of that entry's still in my hard drive actually, but obviously, I've been procrastinating alot and with the commencement of what is hopefully my last year in Medical School, time to really sit down and contemplate is probably going to be a luxury that's few and far between. So really, we'll see if I do decide to get that entry publish. Yup, we'll see.

To be honest, I don't think anybody really reads this blog anyway. But I'm currently in my insomniac phase again and I really can't seem to fall asleep so I decided to do some random internet surfing when I stumbled on an update on the blog of one of my favorite-st people in the whole wide world. Its one of those quiz things that I JUST CAN'T stop myself from wanting to complete it. So here goes.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

So basically, today's day one and I'm suppose to write down ten things that I want to say to ten different people. Here goes!

Day one: 10 things that I wanna say to 10 different people
1. Its okay that you didn't win a medal really! Work hard and don't ever give up! That's the spirit of a true champion. Other medals will come your way if you keep working at it.
2. I think you should do what your heart tells you to do, and not what my brain tells you to do. Cause your heart's really pure while my brain needs a cure. Haha.
3. I think you need help. Like serious help. Like serious, serious, serious help. In fact, I think you need it right now. Like RIGHT RIGHT NOW..... What are you still waiting for!?!?!?! GET HELP NOW!
4. I hope you had another good week at school! I feel guilty that I'm like gallivanting across YOG venues when I actually promised to help you out with school during these two weeks.
5. I think we should meet up more often. Like once every week. It'll give me something to look forward to. Plus, its always cathartic to talk to you guys. You guys really rock!
6. WHY IS YOG really ending? And ORTHO starting! And my 2 week study break is ending! WHY WHY WHY!
7. Eh I don't know if I can really get into residency leh. But I will still try. So really, you all should try to.
8. You guys should just make up. Its so strange to see you both not talking to each other in the way you used to.
9. Don't play with fire, unless you are really flamin' hot yourself and can really take the heat, or you just love the pain it causes you. Just don't come screaming when it gives you ugly scars, cause they ain't gonna be pretty!
10. Don't take my advice too seriously, because I sometimes say things with the aim of causing trouble, because I actually like seeing people in trouble. Sometimes. Not all the time. But yeah, I'm a poltergeist in disguise.

Okay. That's done. It wasn't of any help to my insomnia, because I'm still as energetic as ever. This is a reason why I hate long breaks. It totally screws up my sleep cycle. I'm tired but I can't SLEEP. I need to sleep. Lest I become a crazy red lobster. Argh. Ack. Shucks.

Yes It's Real Love, It's Real

So today's the 8th of June and I've been back in Singapore for a week now. The past week's been great: and by that, I mean that I've accomplished much by slacking around at home, eating the local dishes that I've missed and of course, catching up with the people that I've so dearly missed as well. And I think I've finally gotten rid of the Jet Lag, which is a relief I tell you. I don't really know how I would function if I didn't get rid of the horrible desire to be sleeping at 3 in the afternoon (or to be awake at 3 in the morning!) Anyway, I feel fully rested and I think its time to finally put down my thoughts concerning my 2 month overseas stint into words. First up, my thoughts about my month in London!

"From this moment on I know,
Exactly where my life will go.
Seems that all I really was doing
Was waitin' for love." - "Real Love", John Lennon



I think the song above totally sums up my feelings when I was in London. There's no other way to describe my feelings for London, except that its just 'Real Love'.

This is my third time visiting London and at 4 weeks, the longest I'd ever stayed there. Considering the fact that I'd already visited the city twice before, I was worried that I'll get bored visiting the British capital again. After this trip, I realised that I probably won't ever get bored with London. There's just something about the place that revitalises me; everytime I step out onto the streets of London, I feel this 'fire deep inside, something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide' (LOL, a line from the song "Electricity" featured in "Billy Elliot: The Musical") But yeah, London has this quality to it that just reinvigorates me. Maybe its the architecture, maybe its the cobblestone streets, maybe its the way the British speak, the way they hold themselves with so much dignity and grace, maybe its the air, maybe its the weather, maybe its just a mix of everything, but London just has this great quality to it that makes it so attractive to me.

What do I love most about London? Probably the atmosphere of civility. I love the fact that the Brits are not the most friendly of people, but they are polite, reserved and civil. Classic stiff upper lip. They aren't as exuberant or unabashedly-in-your-face like the Americans, which totally scares (and sometimes irritates) me. Its the right kind of balance between minding your own business and respecting personal space, and being friendly, helpful and civic minded only when there is a need to. The Brits are like that - they offer to help only when you really seek their help, they speak to you only when they are spoken to, they are friendly to you only when you approach them in the first place; otherwise, they are just politely minding their own business, carrying on with their own preoccupations and their lives. I think I'm like that. Some people are so outgoing that individual boundaries no longer remain. It becomes scary, like an invasion of privacy. America tends to be like that - its a country of extremes. Britain and its people are more moderated - yes, that's the word. Moderation. Moderated civility. Just keep calm and move on. Its such a classic British approach to the world's problems, one that's practical, pragmatic and that I personally admire and would hope to adhere to. When there's something getting you down, just shut up, suck it up and move on. No point complaining and whining about it. A simple phrase that speaks volumes.

Another thing about London that I love, is that, just like New York, its a cosmopolitan, multi-ethnic city that doesn't isolate you, but its lacks the feeling of intimidation and claustrophobia that New York has. New York, with its endless sky scrappers, can be a lot to handle and grow used to. London doesn't have that feeling at all - its low rise buildings are quaint and personable in nature, never as intimidating as the towering sky scrappers and apartment blocks of New York. On top of that, cosmopolitan London never loses its unique sense of Britishness, which is something I feel that both New York and Singapore don't quite accomplish. The latter two cities are cities whose identity is sort of an amalgamation of the many ethnicities that inhabit them - if you strip away the layers, you'll realise that at the end of the day, there isn't much identity to talk about. London doesn't seem to suffer this problem. Its cosmopolitan, yet beneath all the many layers, it remains an essentially British city. It makes it very very unique - a city with so much depth and character and history, so many layers to explore but with a heart that's solidly British. Amazing.

This trip also made me realise how much I actually regret not being able to pursue a tertiary education in the UK. I think studying overseas would have drastically changed the way I am today as well. Granted that studying in medicine has probably had some degree of influence on the way I am today as well, but I think I would have benefited much more from an overseas education - not necessarily in terms of content, but in terms of developing independence and my global outlook and stuff. I do feel a certain degree of envy for my friends who had the opportunity to study abroad. In some sense, they are living the life that I had dreamed off when I was in secondary school, a dream that was derailed when I had that sudden inspiration in JC to get into medical school. If only I didn't attend that open house trip back when I was in J1 - I would probably be in a university in the UK now. Its amazing how the smallest of events and decisions can forever change the path of an individual.

I enjoyed my one month in London tremendously. This one month has forever sealed my love for one of the most cosmopolitan, yet distinctly unique cities in the world. Its my home away from home. I'm definitely going back to London for more visits in the future, and if possible, a longer stay there. Maybe I'll work there, maybe I'll live there for awhile, I dunno. But one thing is for sure: this love affair with this city will forever play a part in the remainder of my life.

if only we could dissect everything.

This is my first entry in almost 2 months, and I've felt like I've been on an amazing life changing journey since that entry dated 2nd April. I'm still in New York, the Big Apple. The city's great, but I definitely miss London more. There's something about New York that fascinates me, but after awhile, it really gets onto you. Its not that good a place to live in, and when you are up against a place like London, a place that I love so much, a place that holds such a special place in my heart, New York really kinda flounders. But its still a great exciting place to visit.

I'm currently typing this entry at Mt Sinai's library now. I guess I'm really supposed to be in Surgery right now, but to be honest, I don't know if I can stand to observe or scrub in to another surgery here. The surgery I was supposed to go for is an Aterio-venous fistula creation, something that I've seen over 4 times during my stay here and I seriously do not want to watch another again. I don't understand these Americans though. They expect us to keep watching the same surgeries over and over again and when we choose not to, they grumble that we should do so because that's the whole point of residency. But we AREN'T on residency! Surgery's BORING. Oh my god. I wanna stick a scalpel in their Jugulars. And then they go on about how everything here's our choice. And when we make a choice that's the opposite of what they expect us to do, they grumble. Typical American style democracy: you can choose what you want, but as long as its not the same decision as theirs, its not a good decision.

I think Americans are much too intense for their own good. Its not as if they are super stellar or outstanding; they are about as efficient as the British, and that's not a compliment either. But I like the British way of doing things more - they have a more relaxed, more reserved way of making decisions and accepting decisions. I think Britain rules. Here everyone treats the patients so aggressively, I sometimes wonder if they're killing them instead. Its horrendous, unethical even. I dunno, I'm glad I came on this posting, because I'm convinced that I would NEVER ever want to work in the USA. The system's just not for me. Its a very enterprise like system, too commercialized, to business-like. I pray that Singapore's health care system isn't evolving to something similar, because it certainly isn't the right way to go.

I have so much thoughts about these two months. One day, I'll have to settle myself down to properly make sense of it all. Time to grab lunch. Tata!

Hello, Goodbye!

Hello, Goodbye - The Beatles
You say yes, I say no
You say stop and I say go, go, go
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

I say high, you say low
You say why, and I say I don't know
Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello

Why, why, why, why, why, why
Do you say good bye
Goodbye, bye, bye, bye, bye

Oh, no
You say goodbye and I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
Hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye
I say hello
hello, hello
I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello
Hello

Hela, heba helloa
Hela, heba helloa
_____________________________________________

WELL. THIS IS IT!
Lalalalalalalalalalalalala!

I'm off your the next ten weeks or so, gonna dabble in a little Western style living. First to enjoy the old-school charm of dapple London, and then the revolutionary zeal of eclectic New York. I hope I've brought enough clothes to last me 10 weeks but then again, I hope that my luggage isn't overloaded. Yeah. Haha

I can't wait to roam the streets of London again! Woo hoo!

dragons, down the rabbit hole

I recently had the time to watch not one, but TWO visually stunning movies, in 3D no less! But while both were visually a treat to watch, one was crap, while the other was fantastic.


Ever since I had first caught wind of the fact that Tim Burton was set to film his own adaptation of 'Alice in Wonderland', I have been dying to watch it. I mean, who better to film such a whimsical, eccentric tale as Alice In Wonderland, than the master of eccentricities and quirkiness himself, Tim Burton! Stunning cinematography and visual effects aside, Tim Burton's 'Alice in Wonderland' is a horrible disappointment. A tragic failure. A movie so ridiculously bad, even the acting prowess of a stellar cast which includes the likes of Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter and Anne Hathaway can't save. I watched 'Alice' feeling like I was watching a kindergarten play that was created haphazardly in a matter of hours - it was disorganized, it was frenetic, it was nonsensical. Maybe that was the whole point of the movie really, to be as nonsensical as possible - afterall, it is WONDERLAND, a place where everything and anything seems possible and liable to go awfully wrong. But know, it was a painful experience watching this movie and I had to struggle to curb the urge leave the theatre half way through it. Honestly, its been a long time since I had ever felt this way with regards to any movie! A great achievement really!

ANYWAY, the main thing I hated about 'Alice' was the way Tim Burton turned an original movie that was whimsical, kooky but sophisticated into a superficial, pointless retelling that had no heart to the story at all. The script was the killer - the plot was paper thin and highly highly contrived, the lines were awfully bad, the jokes were awfully flat. It didn't feel like there was a story at all, which is awfully sad because every good movie tells a fantastic story. Without a good story, your movie sucks really. At the end of the day, there just wasn't any point with this retelling of the classic story of 'Alice' at all. Just a pointless, unnecessary movie - it feels as though Tim Burton only made this movie to jump onto the 3D bandwagon made popular due to the tremendous success of Avatar so as to make tonnes of money. If doesn't feel as though he placed much effort into making this movie at all. Ultimately, what you get is a film that's perfect on paper, but went awfully wrong in its execution. Definitely one of the biggest disappointments of all time.


Now onto the film that I ENJOYED! Dreamworks' 'HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON' is FANTASTIC. I think I enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed Avatar! While it certainly left me wishing the movie was longer than its actually length, and also hoping that sequels would be produced. But anyway, this movie totally rocks my socks and I strongly recommend it. I'm so glad I got to watch this movie before flying off to the UK and US though, because I don't think I would be willing to fork out money to watch movies in these countries - movie tickets cost a bomb there!

'How to train your dragon' has quite a classic, simple storyline. Its your typical coming of age story, about a young Viking boy called Hiccup who find's himself as sorta an outcast in Viking society: here he is, a smart, funny, scrawny kid living in a society of brawny, gruff, uncouth Men who hunt dragons for a living. (Sorta like me living in this world really. Sigh.) As he desperately tries ways to fit in by attempting to kill a dragon, he unwittingly befriends one and ultimately changes the course of his tribe's existence and becomes the hero that he was destined to be. Its a very very overused but realistic story, the subplots of Boy&Pet, HeroicFather vs WimpySon and GeekgetsFierceGirl also adding to the cliche factor of this movie. But what it has, is amazing depth and heart. I think every human looks a good story about relationships, whether its between Boy&Girl, Child&Parent, Man&Beast or in this case, all three kinds of relationships. Everyone would come out of this movie wishing he had his own Night Fury to fly on. But its not all a happy ending fairy tale - I love the bittersweet ending of this film. Its not tragic, but there's a tinge of realistic sadness at the end of it.

The visuals in this film are just awesome. The long epic shots of Hiccup riding his dragon Toothless are reminiscent of the beautiful aerial shots of Jake flying in his Banshees in Avatar. In fact, come to think of it, the plot of 'Dragon' is sorta like that of Avatar! But that aside, 'Dragon' is a good film too, because it also preaches so many other things that are relevant to modern society - Peace vs Violence as a way to settle problems, respecting nature vs destroying it, intelligence vs brawn. I think everybody should strive to be like Hiccup. Very often society doesn't need another person who conforms to it - what society really needs is someone who dares to be a radical, who dares to be totally different, who dares to move in the opposite direction, to take that bold step to be somebody different - and in doing so, discover that life and society doesn't always have to be the way it is. As Hiccup exclaims in the movie about the dragons, 'everything we know about you guys is wrong!' I think there are many truths out there that are only temporal and will eventual be proven to be wrong. Its up to those rare few with THE GIFT to revolutionize the way we see, do or think.

Ultimately, 'How To Train Your Dragon' is a film that appears childish on paper, but is extremely mature in its execution. Its a film that's adventurous, fun and a delight to watch. I hope that we'll see this dragons again because they provide a hell of a roarin' good time.

無眠

無眠
【曲/史俊威　詞/吳青峰、林暐哲】
今阿日月娘那這呢光
照著阮歸暝攏未凍睏
連頭毛都沒休睏

你甘知阮對你的思念
希望你有同款的夢
咱兩人做陣返來那一天
互相依偎的情愛

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解

今阿日月娘那這呢光
照著阮歸暝攏未凍睏
親像魚死底花園

你甘知阮對你的思念
希望你有同款的夢
咱兩人做陣返來那一天
互相依偎的情愛

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解

我不管多少時間
多少目屎多少失望來忍耐
我不管你當時會返來
其實我嘛不知影為怎樣為怎樣憨憨等待
你
是我唯一的愛......

底你的心肝內
是不是還有我的存在
永遠攏底等
有時陣嘛會不甘願
想講要作伙飛
去一個心中美麗的所在
所有的一切
攏總尬你放作夥
希望你 會當了解
為著你 我一定等
_____________________________________

這是一個愛情等待者的自我獨白，他無悔於等待，守護著愛。他希望 像鳥一般比翼雙飛，卻成為了失去水的魚。

I'm feeling some strange emotions today, emotions that I haven't felt in a long long time.

Sometimes, we human beings think and analyse stuff too much. It gets exhausting and honestly, just kills brain cells. Which is why I like things straight forward and simple. Maybe some would view it as reckless, tactless even dangerous, but I find it refreshing. I think we are stronger than we think. We aren't made of porcelain. So go ahead, be direct, tell them the truth, because they are strong enough to handle it.

To those out there who are waiting for Mister or Miss Right, this beautiful song if for you. The fact that it is in Hokkien makes it so much more sophisticated.

Peace and love.

Of intubations, leopards and tigers.

I think its really strange to transition from intubating and doing CPR on a couple of collapsed patients, to making your way home the next moment to change before leaving for the Night Safari to do my part for the department in helping to entertain a distinguished foreign guest. Such is the nature of life in the emergency department. (And shift work!)

I haven't had much time to really get a feel of what its like to be working in the Emergency Department because I've only just started elective there on Monday, and so far the supervisor I'm supposed to be following is on leave and my replacement supervisor is on leave every other day, but yeah, I've learnt that in Emergency Medicine, you really can't predict what's going to happen next. There are quiet night calls, and there are extremely hellish ones. There are days were everything goes according to plan and there are nights that hell will rain blood and tears all over you. Take today for example: in the span of the 2 hours where I was on the shop floor, there were a total of 4 standbys one after another(2 of them were collapses, 1 STEMI and 1 AMS), another patient who suddenly deteriorated while making her way to the CT scan and a resuscitation bay that was jammed packed with people rushing to create a sense of order among the chaos. Today also marks the first time I had ever heard the anguish screams of relatives resonating through the air when they are first told the words that every family dreads to hear from the mouth of a doctor: 'I'm sorry, but we've done our best.' I had only thought that you'll hear or see such scenes in the movies, but today I realized that it happens in real life as well. And the message really hit home because the patient in question was one of two patients that I had intubated and performed CPR on. You realize that this is life. There's always going to be death. Such is the nature of Medicine.

And of course, the next moment, I was on my way home because I was "volunteered" by my replacement supervisor to accompany another registrar and a foreign dignitary to the Night Safari, and thus ended my shift 5 hours before I was due to go. (I highly suspect that its all his ploy to get rid of me!). It was a surreal experience, having to just drop all the drama and horror seen in the last 45 mins or so and just walk out of the department doors having to feel excited and happy about going to the Night Safari, but I was strangely up to it. It just felt surreal and a bit weird, but the sadness isn't there anymore. Either I've become too jaded and used to death, or I've just master the art of letting go.

But anyway, that's not my point. I was asking the registrar involved why she had to play tour guide as well and she gave me the 'Duh, just like you, I got arrowed lah' look. I guess being arrowed to do stuff totally unrelated to the practice of medicine, is probably something that all junior specialist doctors have to do. Being arrowed to do sai-gang: probably a constant here in Singapore really, regardless of where you actually work in. But yeah, it was interesting. Entertaining foreign guests can be amusing. Its all smiles and cordial speech. It gets quite tiring as well, but it was something different compared to I don't know, setting an IV line or Toilet and Suturing. But such is the wonder of the shift system - you have time to do something totally unrelated to medicine everyday, which can be a perfect break sometimes.

I wonder what other surprises lie in wait in the TTSH A&E department. I can hardly wait. =)

when dreaming is better than reality

"There are many dangers on Pandora, and one of the subtlest is that you may come to love it too much." - Dr. Augustine Grace from 'Avatar'

James Cameron's 'Avatar' is probably going to be one of the best movies I've ever watched in my whole darn life. I had heard and read so much about this movie before going to watch it that I was initially worried that I would be disappointed by all the hype it had generated. Well, it certainly didn't disappoint! To quote Jake Sully, it was simply "Outstanding!"

There are so many reasons why 'Avatar' was such a fantastic movie. First of all the cast was fantastic, especially those acting as the Na'vi. I think Sam Worthington acted very well in this movie and there's no doubt that he is in for super stardom. This film would catapult him to the echelons of Hollywood and I think we have just witnessed the rise of a new action superstar. His portrayal of Jake Sully made the hero very likeable, and you feel for him when he faces so many life changing experiences in the movie. Zoe Saldana's portrayal of Neytiri, the Na'vi princess was also fantastic - her flashes of pure joy and anger, her snares, her posture was so convincing that she brought a potentially difficult character to life. Stephen Lang plays Miles Quaritch, the crazy warmongering Colonel with such a single minded determination that its hard not to want him dead, chewed and torn into a million fragments by a dozen Banshees and ultimately passed out into a sea of excrement. Other notable performances by Sigourney Weaver as scientist-mentor Dr Augustine Grace and Michelle Rodriguez as Helicopter pilot Truddy also add solid performances to the fantastic ensemble cast.

Apart from the cast, I was also simply awestruck at the amazing detail and depth James Cameron had invested within this movie to create a universe as realistic as Pandora. The technological achievement is just astounding, the level of creativity simply amazing. Watching the actors performances being fully translated onto the computer generated Na'vi was just an amazing feat of technology that was just awe-inspiring. Every motion was so fluid, every emotion so brilliantly captured that you really don't think that its computer generated at all. And the cinematography, the landscapes were just AWESOME. Seeing those scenes of Jake and Neytiri flying through the amazing backdrop of floating mountains and waterfalls was like poetry in motion. Fantastic!

But for all the technical breakthroughs that the film has managed to attain, I would think that the strongest draw for me is the epic tale that it so seamlessly puts together.

'Avatar' has a relatively simple plot. It is no 'Sherlock Holmes' (another film I managed to catch this week that's quite good, but not as fantastic as Avatar!) in terms of its plot twists and convolutions. It has a very predictable plot filled with characters that have stereotypical personalities and serve their typical functions in such a story. Some would even label it as 'Pocahontas in Space'. But despite its simple plot, I found the movie strangely touching and inspiring; in the hands of a lesser director, such a run of the mill, almost cliche story would appear ridiculous, but in the hands of a master like James Cameron, it became an epic tale with a heart.

The story has so many elements to it, so many layers of depth that it really is a masterpiece. On the surface, its the usual tale of Nature vs Machine: of the importance of respecting our natural world, of protecting the balance of nature and life, of the triumph of mother nature over the corrupted, polluted world of mankind - themes all too familiar to us, the generation that has to deal with the very serious notion of global warming and a dying planet. But dissect it further and you'll realize that its also a story of one man's own desire to free himself from the hopelessness and dredges of a life that no longer has any meaning to him.

Here you have Jake Sully, a paraplegic ex-marine with nothing to look forward to with regards to a life on earth, who decides to embark on this project for a fresh start in another planet: and look what at what he gains! A whole new life, one ultimately so much more beautiful and exhilarating that the life back on earth, trapped in a wheel chair; a life that he truly comes to love. Its a story of rediscovering oneself and rebirth, and the scene where Jake Sully first uses his Avatar body and discovers he can walk again has to be one of the most touching scenes in the movie ever - you can almost feel his joy on being able to walk, run, jump, feel with his feet again! It was amazing.

I think everyone out there hopes to have a means of escaping from reality and one of the reasons why 'Avatar' is proving to be so popular is the fact that it provides some sort of escapism that we so dearly desire. Wouldn't it be perfect if we could just plug our consciousness into a mainframe and live our lives in an alternate body in another beautiful universe? Its a twist on the concept first introduced in the Matrix, but in that case, the universe we end up getting plugged in is a form of slavery. Pandora however, is the opposite - it represents a beautiful world of freedom and infinite possibilities, one in which you can fly atop great ferocious flying beasts, prance through beautiful bio luminescent forests or witness stunningly beautiful waterfalls and floating mountains. To be able to escape to such a world, even if its just for 160 mins, is just awesome. I would be willing to watch it another time just to recapture that magic all over again!

"Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world and in here is the dream." - Jake Sully from 'Avatar'
I love this quote from the movie. Its true isn't it? Sometimes, you enjoy the world you are in while dreaming, so much so that its a pain to return to reality. And the boundary between reality and dream scape is blurred indefinitely. But ultimately, dreams are just dreams, and we can't live in them for eternity. We aren't as lucky as Jake Sully who was able to transfer his soul from a horrible dream into a Utopian reality. Perhaps one day, we will be able to relive our lives by plugging our consciousness into a new body, but before that day arrives, we have to make do with living in our current realities and re-watching Avatar and its sequels to come, because that's as close to utopia that we can get.